June

Wednesday June 10th

I hear again from my Jorge that President Perez has promised to do 'everything possible' to sign me and make me a player of Real Madrid. I would love to go there, but feel a little offended that President Perez has not promised to do everything impossible to sign me. Then I think more and am not sure as I think nothing is impossible and this means I would be hoping Perez does nothing to sign me...this make me confused. However, if he was to try and walk on water or cure a blind man to sign me; two things I am told are impossible, I would consider being a player of Madrid even more strongly.

Thursday June 11th

Fantastico! I am away chilean in Los Angeles and I speak to my Jorge on Skype who tells me that Manchester have finally accept a bid for me to go and play my dream game at Madrid. It is relieving because my cousin would like another villa. If only I had angrily thrown my tracksuit to the floor sooner - like last May - I could have a tan like Jordan and I would not have had to put up with Nani's 'Michael Jackson impression' for another season. That guy needs to grow up (Nani, not Michael Jackson...actually also Michael Jackson).

Friday June 12th

Last night I have a great time. I meet that Paris Hilton in Los Angeles. She comes over to me and says:
"Hello."
"Hi," I say, "what's your name?"
This makes us both smile because she knows that I know that she is that Paris Hilton.
"Paris," she says, looking like a wild pussy.
"Ah, Paris? That is the capital of France," I say.

I think this impressed her.

My Jorge once read me many jokes from the internet about spending a night in Paris and I try to make sure I don't make them to her. I just smile as I remember my cousins Rodrigo and Sandro telling me that they go on holiday to France once and have trouble entering Paris...as always, Ronaldo found going down in the box very very easy. And I couldn't help but make the jokes...very lucky I know them only in Portuguese.

Saturday 13th June

My Jorge say that I will cost Madrid £80,000,000, which I think is maybe less than I am worth...a man who excites the fans like me should cost about the same amount as a small country, like Africa. The Kaka man will also sign for Madrid from Milan and is only costing £56,000,000...maybe because he is a Catholic, the church will pay the other £24,000,000?

Sunday 14th June

I ask my Jorge about my new manager at Madrid and he told me he is chilean. I ask what kind of manager spends time chilean when he has just taken such a bloodynormous job. I'm the one that's chilean in Los Angeles, he should be trying to work out Madrid tactics so that the Kaka man won't play further forward than me. He already wants to be there when the fans arrive to take pictures of my important new grin - which I call the 'Galactico Grin' - at my opening ceremony. I have asked them to make the screen which shows me at least 3 feet bigger than the one for Kaka man.